This week I posted some more pic of HBOT over at Sebastian Can Do, with a link to more therapy photos. Shhh, it’s the guest pass.I tried to upload a cute video of us in the chamber but thanks to our internet connection it didn’t go through. So just imagine him watching the Wiggles and his smile breaking out midway and the silent laughter that follows from one of his favourite songs. Then he gets serious again. Priceless.
This week Sebastian came down with a cough and it’s very difficult for him to clear his throat. He wasn’t sick at all and swallowed some water too fast on Wed. and then got the hiccups and then got the cough. I’m worried about pneumonia (from aspirating) even though the doctor says he has a virus (no meds) and it’s not pneumonia. I’m worried anyways but we are going back to the doctor tomorrow for the check up and I am going to request an x-ray to be sure.
This week has been an extremely rough week for me. I’m feeling better today. I think sometimes I am not over the trauma of the birth and following days spend in the NICU. Actually, I think that I am over it and that I don’t blame anyone but then I read something or have to tell the story for whatever reason and then thoughts cloud my mind and tears well up in my eyes.
This week there was one thing after the next. First, I read this article in the NY Times that I found on another blog about the trauma parents feel after their child has been in NICU (often being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the experience with little to no counseling over the experience by the hospital). The article mainly addresses parents to babies born pre-maturely, because babies born at term aren’ts supposed to go into NICU, right? Anyways, the article brought back a lot of memories and feelings.
This week I saw on facebook that a friend had her baby at term but had an emergency c-section. Continuing on from that, I saw two shows on tv where the woman had to have an emergency c-section, one because the cord was around the baby’s neck. I have to get over the fact that we should have had one but didn’t and even though most of the time I feel like I have there are moments I feel like I haven’t. It’s complicated.
This week I went to Maadi Women’s Guild and met some new people. I don’t even know how it came up but there I was telling the woman next to me that Sebastian had a traumatic birth and now has CP. I felt like I don’t even know how to socialise anymore because Sebastian is my life. I was at the meeting to mainly meet with the woman in charge of the Christmas Bazaar so that I could sign up to sell calendars and cards for Sebastian’s next fundraiser.
Our weeks start on Sunday. And so tomorrow is the start of a new week. It will be better. I’ve had some good talks with Ali. But I miss talking to my mom. I’ve had some good laughs with Sebastian. I’ve worked on some projects for myself. And I’m feeling a bit more balanced and ready to live in the present again. One day at a time.
4 comments
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October 25, 2009 at 8:01 am
n0thingbuteverything
Oh do I ever hear you. Even now, 5 years on, I have days where something can take me back to that terrible time in the NICU – but it definitely does get easier over time.
I hope Sebastian is OK and feels better VERY soon.
Be kind to yourself this week. Shout yourself a treat! You deserve it, supermum!! Sending cyber hugs from down under.
xoox
October 25, 2009 at 9:50 am
bron
Oh Kara, Like Di says we understand pretty much exactly what you mean. I have those same thoughts,wishes,flashbacks etc…yes it does get easier but somedays it is just as raw. Thinking of you and sending you a massive hug xo
It just makes me so emotional to read that you are really in the early stages of this journey and I remember so clearly how hard it was let alone living on a different continent to your family. Hugs to you xoxo Bron please email me anytime.
October 26, 2009 at 4:49 am
Erika
Something you wrote resonated with me… All I want to talk about with ANYONE is JED. You’re not alone. In the staff room at lunch, at dinner with friends last night, on the phone with my mom… the only interesting stories I have are about Jed.
love you, Erika
October 26, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Monica
Oh Kara. Wish I could clobber you with hugs and kisses right now. While I can’t begin to relate to you in terms of having a traumatic birth and experiencing the NICU… I am one of those mamas whose birth did not go in the direction I had planned. When I hear stories of families who have gone through similar birth trama, my heart always sinks and you instantly come to mind. I have so much admiration for the way you’ve handled EVERYTHING! From pumping your little heart out so that Seb could have the milk nature intended him to have… to the amazing photo raffle fund raiser so that Seb could have the therapies he needs and deserves… and now you’re at it again. You are the poster mama for LOVE. Seriously!!!! Sebastian is soooo lucky.
I often feel like a total dork in social settings as well. Who really wants to hearing about Willie all the time, nursing issues, toddler issues, etc… It’s really quite something how we transform when the centers of life become so selfless beyond ourselves. You’re wonderful Kara! I miss you.